I feel like crying right now...Liz told Erin and Ote about my rambly message prayers every night. I know they'll remember and tease me about it but she says I'm being paranoid. But she doesn't know them like I do. I hate how she acts around my family, spilling secrets like crazy and teasing me. I have little to no self esteem as it is. Every thing I say about myself is a lie, if it's positive. I can't think of me and not think of the fact I'm just a stupid teen with fat thighs and issues. I'm not different I'm the same, I act special just like everyone because I hate being the same as everyone else, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I am not special. I hate it when I get teased, I hate being as stupid as I am. I hate having these feelings because I know that Ellie and Izzy and Liz get annoyed and are going to tell me that of course I'm special bladdah bladdah blah. I've heard it all before. But you guys are my best friends, you have to say those things. That's why I love Lauren insulting me. Because if I do something dumb, or look like crap, she won't put it nicley. She'll tell me. And I can trust that she will always tell me the truth. She's insulting, but she's honest. She tells me when I'm good at something, but that's not her main focus. Neither is insulting me. She just tells me the truth.
I feel so spoiled. I am spoiled, okay? I'm a spoiled bitch who does everything to look different but tries too hard and lies and is the same and stupid and pathetic and just dreams of difference. But it will never happen.
Never.
pathetically spoiled,
sarah
# posted by
Sarah Bo |
12:27 AM |
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