Maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough
Wreck of the Day, Anna Nalick


I don't quite know yet why I hate what Liz did. I hate that she lied to me about waiting even after she had done it, I hate that she was afraid to tell me, and I hate that she couldn't tell me herself.

I hate myself for being the kind of person she's afraid to tell things.

I hate him for taking her from me. Now she belongs to him in a way I can never own her, his arms have held her in a way I never can. No matter how many guys she sleeps with after this, he's the first and he'll always have that hold over her. Their love is different than hers and mine, but I want to keep her safe. I don't want her to get hurt and she's going to and I worry but she tells me not to. How can I not worry when he's stolen her? He's taken her from me. And he is mean to her in public and such but she puts up with it. How can she? How did everyone know about her blog before I did? Why did I have to log in under her name to find her?

How can she have sex and not even know if she loves him or not?

I hate love. It has royally fucked things up again.

I hate loving Sam. I know it's just teen love and I know it won't last and I know it makes me so happy just to see him and I know it makes me different than I used to be. I know I still hate Valentine's Day and that I know it won't last forever but I want it to.

I want it to. I just don't want him to hurt me and I know he wouldn't mean to but God I am scared. He will hurt me wheather he means it or not and he can't help it. We're humans, we'll all end up dead anyway but he makes me live. Some days I want to just run away from my feelings and everything but I realize the people I'd run to are the ones I'm running from.

I know it will hurt me but I just want to hurt. No matter what happens to me he will always be my first love.

And no matter what happens to her he will always be her first.

I told Liz I wanted to marry her because I don't want her to belong to anyone else. Contrary to popular belief I am a very jealous person.

He took her away from me, he took me away from her...
Sarah # posted by Sarah Bo | 1:16 PM |

1 Comments:

darling. darling daring darilng.....i don't know what to say. i'm sorry. but i will fall in love. and i will get hurt. as will you. and he's not mean to me in public. just..its confusing. i'll explain it some other day. i get jealous of sam all the damn time. but we've got a different love tie than our boyfriends and us. ok. it's stronger and it'll last longer. loves

By  eve, at 12:59 PM  

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