Well, I haven't updated in so long I'm pretty sure everyone will have forgotten about this bloody thing. This means I can write in it and ramble without feeling bad, or worrying about what people think of what I said.

Eddie asked for ten reason why Ilike him, and I can't give them to him. Not because it would be embarrassing, but because I don't have any. I know I like him, and that's enough. I don't have reasons, and I don't appreciate being asked for them. He's also trying to get me to go to church...bad idea. I don't DO church. At all. I just can't. I burst into tears. Church is a bad thing.

In true Sarah fashion, because not everything is coming up roses I'm comparing him to the nearest boy and finding him lacking.

Unfourtunatly, the nearest boy is Sam.

Yesterday I just sat with him, leaning on him and telling him I was sorry for my own deeds. I was sory for breaking him. I was sorry for being such a terrible person. He just told me that I had never broken him, he'd broken himself. That I was an amazing person, and whoever said otherwise was lying. That I had nothing to be sorry for, ever.

Things like that make me want to kiss him.

Thus the dilemma. While I am happy with Eddie, I find myself spending more and more time with Sam, and liking it. Every night I wake up crying and shaking, and I yell out for Sam, not Eddie. When I'm scared, I hope he'll save me, when I cry I think of calling him, when I can't sleep he talks until I can. Our relationship is changing, it's not how it used to be but I like it more. He doesn't ask anything of me, and he really does love me. He's not pushy about it, just there. A constant presence to make sure I'm fine. Someone there to protect me. And I love the knowledge that no matter what I do to hurt him, he'll stay there and be there for me.

I don't know anymore...I just want to curl up into a ball, finally get some sleep and wait it out...
But there's the problem of who I want there with me. # posted by Sarah Bo | 2:30 PM |

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